Happy V-Day, or, How I Recognized Selfishness
2.15.2010
So Valentine's Day is just shy of an hour over, and in minutes I'll be heading off to bed. Mr. B and I don't usually go all out for this particular holiday... it's just not one of the ones that's important to us. We do like to spend time together if we can and exchange sentimental gifts: usually a card with a personal message.
Mr. B insists that he isn't good at writing down his feelings for me. This is something I really struggle to believe, because the majority of our courting tool place in written form over the internet four years ago. I only ask for this twice a year, our anniversary and Valentine's Day... and even if the diction is awlward, the point is I want Mr. B to sit and spend a little time thinking about his feelings for me.
As usual, he left the whole thing till the last minute... bought the card in my presence this afternoon and spent the day napping and watching television instead of recording the brief but thoughtful message that is all I wanted for Valentine's Day. I fully expect him to realize his oversight and feel bad about it. Maybe I should have reminded him earlier but nagging makes it a lot less special to me. Besides, I don't want a message written under pressure; I want one written out of love.
So far it looks like I'm heading toward a "Mr. B is selfish and lazy" conclusion with this post. But marriage, like life in general, is full of surprises! I'm the selfish one. Even though I didn't (yet) get what I wanted and am pretty aggravated by it, my day has been pretty great. Mr. B took me to a lovely brunch, went on errands with me and cuddled with me. And today is his first day of quitting smoking- no small feat in itself and the best gift I could ever receive (incidentally, he's not doing it for me but I consider it a gift all the same).
I suppose the point of today's entry is that our subjective desires and disappointments can so often color our understanding of the relationships we have. Now that I've thought and written about it, I realize that I am one of the lucky ones this V-Day. I am loved, I love back, and it would be unfair of me to suggest that I doubt those facts in the abscence of a written affirmation. A moment's reflection reveals it, and the fact that I could probably enhance my marriage if I indulged in such reflection more often.
May you love dearly and never doubt it. Happy Valentine's Day!
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