The Not-So-New-ly Weds

A hopefully rare, extrospective and angry post: do not read herein for a dispassionate point of view.

Dear Mr. B-

When I got married, I hoped to be somebody's mother someday... but not YOUR mother, and not today. One thing about mothers is they always have something for you to do. Be idle for two minutes and you can bet Mom's got a list. I was a good kid and I always did what my motherf asked, but I certainly never went trolling for ways to support her! I didn't realize until I got married what a drag it is to be the constant taskmaster.

But like the best gifts are the ones you wanted but never asked for, the best support is the kind you need but don't want to nag out of someone. I don't expect you to read my mind (usually). I do expect you to listen to the things that concern me and spend ten minutes thinking about it to come up with some way to help.

I know this is big picture stuff. In specifics: If you know I'm trying very hard to lose weight and be healthier, and I've done all I can do with dieting but just need to exercise, YOU could be the one to suggest going for a walk. That would be great. I wouldn't feel like I'm dragging you on an outing you'd rather not go on so you could spend time with me, and I wouldn't be choosing between you and exercise. Or, if I'm complaining about cooking dinner four times a week, you could consider that its not just the cooking, but also the deciding and planning the menu that is stressful and not expect me to walk you through it.

Love,

always,

even when you royally piss me off,

LOVE

Mrs. B

Location : 242-264 W Washington St, Lexington, VA 24450,

Mr. B and I have been trying to get healthier for a while now. I'm a pescetarian now, and as an incidental effect of that Mr. B hasn't been eating much land-meat either. I'm also trying to cut down on junk food and carbs, because I know that my diet is mostly pasta and chocolate and that's not too good for me. I'm struggling to find the time to exercise, but hopefully thins will settle down now that my Note is finished and I'll be able to concentrate more on that.

So Valentine's Day is just shy of an hour over, and in minutes I'll be heading off to bed. Mr. B and I don't usually go all out for this particular holiday... it's just not one of the ones that's important to us. We do like to spend time together if we can and exchange sentimental gifts: usually a card with a personal message.

Mr. B insists that he isn't good at writing down his feelings for me. This is something I really struggle to believe, because the majority of our courting tool place in written form over the internet four years ago. I only ask for this twice a year, our anniversary and Valentine's Day... and even if the diction is awlward, the point is I want Mr. B to sit and spend a little time thinking about his feelings for me.

As usual, he left the whole thing till the last minute... bought the card in my presence this afternoon and spent the day napping and watching television instead of recording the brief but thoughtful message that is all I wanted for Valentine's Day. I fully expect him to realize his oversight and feel bad about it. Maybe I should have reminded him earlier but nagging makes it a lot less special to me. Besides, I don't want a message written under pressure; I want one written out of love.

So far it looks like I'm heading toward a "Mr. B is selfish and lazy" conclusion with this post. But marriage, like life in general, is full of surprises! I'm the selfish one. Even though I didn't (yet) get what I wanted and am pretty aggravated by it, my day has been pretty great. Mr. B took me to a lovely brunch, went on errands with me and cuddled with me. And today is his first day of quitting smoking- no small feat in itself and the best gift I could ever receive (incidentally, he's not doing it for me but I consider it a gift all the same).

I suppose the point of today's entry is that our subjective desires and disappointments can so often color our understanding of the relationships we have.  Now that I've thought and written about it, I realize that I am one of the lucky ones this V-Day. I am loved, I love back, and it would be unfair of me to suggest that I doubt those facts in the abscence of a written affirmation. A moment's reflection reveals it, and the fact that I could probably enhance my marriage if I indulged in such reflection more often.

May you love dearly and never doubt it. Happy Valentine's Day!

It's true, I never warned my meager readers about going on hiatus-mostly because I wasn't really planning it myself. Hopefully I'm back but only time will tell...

I'm currently struggling with the delicate balance of courage and tact. I know this record can never be a success if I am not honest; I also know that it's currently published under my name and on my facebook account so I'm not sure how to navigate the dramatic swells of public opinion. Obviously one thing is true: nobody ever got famous playing it safe!

Till next time... Mrs. B

It's true, I never warned my meager readers about going on hiatus-mostly because I wasn't really planning it myself. Hopefully I'm back but only time will tell...

I'm currently struggling with the delicate balance of courage and tact. I know this record can never be a success if I am not honest; I also know that it's currently published under my name and on my facebook account so I'm not sure how to navigate the dramatic swells of public opinion. Obviously one thing is true: nobody ever got famous playing it safe!

Till next time... Mrs. B

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